


All These Selfish Feelings

by peachcitt



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Miraculous, Bisexual Marinette Dupain-Cheng, F/F, Gay Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Gay Nino Lahiffe, Lesbian Alya Cesaire, Lesbian Chloé Bourgeois, Lesbian Sabrina Raincomprix, Minor Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Nino Lahiffe, Minor Sabrina Raincomprix/Alya Cesaire, does this count as enemies to lovers i have no idea, no one in this fic is straight and i think that's very sexy of me, this is so self indulgent and i do not care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:29:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23374696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachcitt/pseuds/peachcitt
Summary: After school, Chloe was called up to the teacher’s desk and asked very sternly why she’d given Marinette Dupain-Cheng a note that said “get out of my school.” Chloe crossed her arms, stuck her nose up, and said something about her father.The next day, Chloe and Marinette Dupain-Cheng were sitting on opposite sides of the room.And that was how it started.
Relationships: Chloé Bourgeois/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 52
Kudos: 333





	All These Selfish Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> enjoy :)

Chloe Bourgeois was laying on her bed, staring up at the ceiling and holding a handkerchief with a little bee and her initials embroidered on the corner. She felt strangely far away, as if she was experiencing everything from outside herself.

She fought to stay grounded.

She thought about Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

—

The first memory Chloe Bourgeois had of Marinette Dupain-Cheng was when she was seven years old on her very first day of CE1.

Her father had decided to place Chloe in public school to “provide her with a humble environment among her peers” that year after realizing that at the private school she had started elementary school in, Chloe had quickly become the queen bee despite being only five years of age. Her father hoped going to a public school would humble his haughty daughter.

He was wrong, of course.

The moment Chloe stepped into the public school, she knew she was going to reign supreme. When she walked into her classroom, she began to pick out her future recess playmates before the starting bell had even rung. She felt comfortable and in power, and it was fantastic.

That is, until her teacher assigned her seat right next to Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

Chloe remembered vividly the way Marinette Dupain-Cheng turned in her seat, smiled in a way that revealed her missing front tooth, and stuck out her graphite-smeared hand to Chloe. She told Chloe her name and said she hoped they’d be friends, that she would show her around school if she wanted.

And Chloe also remembered vividly the strange pulsing sensation in her chest when she noticed the way Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s bright blue eyes glimmered even in the horrible fluorescent lighting. It was an uncomfortable feeling, and Chloe hated being uncomfortable above all else.

So she turned up her nose at Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s friendly hand, crossed her arms, and turned to the front of the classroom without saying a word.

Later that day, Chloe found a scratch sheet of notebook paper, wrote down in her neatest handwriting a carefully worded note, folded it up nicely, and slid it onto Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s desk without a word. Marinette Dupain-Cheng opened up the note, read it with wide eyes, and then crumpled it up with shaking hands.

After school, Chloe was called up to the teacher’s desk and asked very sternly why she’d given Marinette Dupain-Cheng a note that said “get out of my school.” Chloe crossed her arms, stuck her nose up, and said something about her father.

The next day, Chloe and Marinette Dupain-Cheng were sitting on opposite sides of the room.

And that was how it started.

—

How it continued made a whole lot of sense, at first. Marinette Dupain-Cheng gave up on trying to understand Chloe by the time they reached collège, and Chloe gave up on trying to understand why she was so mean to Marinette Dupain-Cheng anyway. She figured it was just fun, like how it was fun to be mean to everybody else.

Not that she really had fun being mean in collège. It turns out people don’t really want to be friends with someone who’s mean, especially someone who’s mean to the sweet and pretty baker’s daughter.

So maybe Chloe really did understand why she was mean to Marinette Dupain-Cheng, at least partly. But she preferred not to think about those kinds of things.

Collège was where Chloe met Sabrina Raincomprix, and that was a pretty nice distraction.

Sabrina was a timid girl, especially back then, and Chloe sort of hated her the moment she saw her. The girl had no backbone - it was annoying.

And then she noticed that Sabrina would stare at her during class, while she was walking down the hallway. And that was even more annoying.

It got to the point where Chloe went to the bathroom during a break, walked slowly to make sure she knew Sabrina was following her, and then grabbed Sabrina’s arm and pulled her into the bathroom, cornering her against the wall.

“Tell me why you’re following me, or I’ll make sure to ruin your life in every way possible,” Chloe said, and she remembered meaning every word. Whether or not she could _actually_ ruin Sabrina’s life didn’t matter - it was that she meant what she’d said, and Sabrina knew it.

Sabrina couldn’t speak for a couple of seconds, and so Chloe snapped rudely in her face, as if that would make Sabrina speak faster. And it did.

“I think you’re really cool,” Sabrina blurted. “I just really want to be friends with you.”

At first, Chloe thought she was being pranked, and she was more than ready to snarl out something poisonous and rotten. She even took a breath, ready to launch into a series of threats and insults. And then she looked at Sabrina - actually looked at her - and she realized that Sabrina meant every word she said, too.

They were practically inseparable after that.

—

Things started to make less sense in the last year of collège. Chloe and Sabrina were good friends - not that Chloe really referred to Sabrina as a ‘friend’ - and Marinette Dupain-Cheng was as perfect and far away as usual. Everything was fine.

It happened on a weekend - Chloe was sure of it. Sabrina had come over to hang out that day, and she remembered it was hot, the summer months still clinging on. It was too hot to be outside, and so she and Sabrina were in her room.

Chloe remembered that she was sitting at her vanity while Sabrina flipped through magazines on her bed. Although the heat was outside, and the air conditioning was humming all around them, they were quiet and tired as if the heat went through them still. Heat was a physical thing, but it was also a mental thing, she supposed. 

So she was staring at herself in her mirror, looking critically at the lines of her face and the imperfections on her skin. She picked up her tweezers and plucked out some stray hairs by her eyebrows, and then she set the tweezers down, staring at the color of her irises.

They were blue, just like they had been all her life.

But there was something cold about the blue. Sharp. Hard. Mean.

And for some reason, she found herself thinking about another person she knew with blue eyes. Marinette Dupain-Cheng. 

Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s blue eyes were a gentler shade of blue, a shade of blue that could sparkle and glimmer and warm cold rooms. She could make her warm eyes cold of course - Chloe knew that from experience. But even when those eyes were on Chloe, glaring and hard, there was still something gentle about them that Chloe knew that she herself didn’t have.

Chloe looked down at her lips, at the frown that was making itself known on them.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s lips were fuller than hers, and they smiled much more than they frowned. When Chloe glanced Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s way, she always saw those lips twisting and smiling, moving along with the thoughts that hid behind those warm blue eyes. When those lips smiled, they always meant it, and Chloe knew that she couldn’t say the same for herself.

Uncomfortable with the way this self-reflection had turned, Chloe got up from her vanity, flopping rather unceremoniously onto the bed next to Sabrina. Sabrina immediately made room for her, shifting the magazine over so that Chloe could see it, too. Rolling over onto her elbows, Chloe stared at the magazine pictures and articles without processing them.

Sabrina flipped the page, revealing a model with warm blue eyes and a gentle smile.

“Do you think I’m pretty?” Chloe asked, staring at the pretty model but thinking of someone else entirely.

“What?” Sabrina asked, startled.

Chloe tore her eyes away from the magazine, looking over to Sabrina, whose face was turning a violent shade of red. “Do you think I’m pretty?” she asked again, and Sabrina’s mouth opened and closed not unlike a fish. Chloe began to get annoyed. _“Well?”_

“I-I do,” Sabrina stuttered, and Chloe moved her eyes back to the magazine, flipping to the next page in annoyance.

“You’re just saying that,” she muttered.

“I’m not!” Sabrina protested, but Chloe just rolled her eyes. “I’m not,” Sabrina said again, a little quieter this time. Chloe ignored her. “I really do think you’re pretty.”

Sabrina touched her face then, and Chloe could feel how hard her hand was shaking. She didn’t really know why, but she let Sabrina turn her face towards her with her shaking hand. And she let Sabrina lean forward, and she let Sabrina press her lips to hers.

She remembered not thinking anything at all; she remembered just letting it happen.

When Sabrina pulled away, Chloe asked, “what are you doing?” She said it evenly, but softly. She may not have been thinking anything, but everything in her body was telling her that this moment was gentle. This moment was sacred.

“I-I’m so sorry,” Sabrina said, and her face was really too red, and she really did look like she was about to cry. She started to move away from Chloe, started to leave.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Chloe said, and Sabrina stopped. Looked at her.

“Really?” she asked.

“Really.”

Slowly, hesitantly, Sabrina climbed back onto the bed. She was stiff. “You really don’t mind that I’m-” She stopped herself before she could say the word.

“No,” Chloe said, and she still wasn’t thinking, but her heart was racing. She flipped to the next page in the magazine. “We should ask Jean-Pièrre to get us ice cream.”

After Sabrina left and Chloe allowed herself to think, she laid down on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. She touched her fingers to her lips, and her heart raced. But she wasn’t thinking about Sabrina.

And that’s when things stopped making sense.

—

Lycée began, and Chloe and Sabrina left what had happened unsaid. And really, Chloe remembered thinking, what more was there to say? Sabrina had kissed her, but it wasn’t that big of a deal. At least, not in terms of their friendship. If Chloe pretended it never happened, then Sabrina would do the same, and that was fine.

It probably wasn’t healthy, but it was fine.

In lycée, Chloe’s friend Adrien started going to public school. Previously, he’d been homeschooled - his father shielding his protege model son from public influence - but Adrien had told Chloe during the summer that he was going to fight for the right to go to school, and it looked like he’d won. Chloe would never understand Adrien’s desire to go to a public school, of all places, but she was glad that she would get to see him very often. That, at least, was nice.

Chloe was lucky; she got into the same class as Sabrina and Adrien with only minimal pulling of strings. Marinette Dupain-Cheng was also in her class, but ever since when things stopped making sense, Chloe had stopped trying to think about Marinette Dupain-Cheng. She had even decided to stop picking on her and glaring at her - it had started to make her feel sick in some uncomfortable way. So the whole ‘Marinette Dupain-Cheng being in the same class’ thing wasn’t that great because of the fact that Marinette Dupain-Cheng being in close proximity meant Marinette Dupain-Cheng sticking in Chloe’s mind which in turn meant that Chloe was going to be uncomfortable a lot.

And Chloe hated being uncomfortable.

She remembered trying her best to stay as far away from her as possible, but it was hard - harder than before. 

Because of Adrien.

Chloe had taken it upon herself to be Adrien’s buffer into public school life, and he had readily accepted because Adrien was like a puppy and he really did love to have friends. And even though Chloe had expected to only introduce him to the people in school that she could bear to be around and ignore everyone else, Adrien had bounced around to everyone he could find and smiled in that disarming way that was his style, and soon, everyone in school was fawning over him.

Not that they weren’t fawning over him in the first place. He was a model; his face was on billboards all across Paris, and he’d even been the lead male voice actor for some movie about superheroes. But people began fawning over him in a different way when he talked to them, and it was entirely because he was too nice. No one expected him to be nice, but of course he was.

But Marinette Dupain-Cheng wasn’t like everyone else. She didn’t know about Adrien at all before he came, and when he did come, she barely spared him a glance. When Adrien introduced himself to her, she smiled in that sweet way she did, glanced warily at Chloe, and then quickly excused herself.

“She seems nice,” Adrien said when Marinette Dupain-Cheng had walked away, looking a little confused at the lack of fawning that had occured. It wasn’t that Adrien ever _wanted_ to be fawned over, Chloe knew, it was just that he was _used_ to it. It was strange when anyone didn’t do it.

“She is,” Chloe said, and she wrinkled her nose.

Adrien stared at Marinette Dupain-Cheng, who was talking quietly with a friend that she’d made during collège - a handsome girl named Alya - and he frowned. “I get the feeling that she doesn’t like me.”

“Why?” Chloe scoffed, leading him back to his seat. “Because she didn’t immediately have a crush on you?” She said it sarcastically, but she had to admit that she was a little impressed by the fact. She tried not to think about it.

“No,” Adrien said, and his face reddened a little. “It just seemed like she was trying to get away as fast as she could.”

“Her and Chloe don’t get along,” Sabrina supplied helpfully, and Chloe closed her eyes, taking in a breath.

“Why not?” Adrien asked.

“Um.” Sabrina looked over at Chloe. Although they’d already been friends for a few years, Chloe had never told her why she didn’t like Marinette Dupain-Cheng, and she didn’t plan to - mostly because telling her would mean admitting to herself the real reason why, and she was trying to avoid that uncomfortable talk as much as possible.

“Just because,” Chloe said, opening her eyes. She glanced at Marinette Dupain-Cheng, and their eyes caught, snagged, on each other’s. For a long moment, they simply stared at each other, and Chloe felt her pulse speed up. She looked away, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “We’re different kinds of people, that’s all.”

“You guys are different kinds of people,” Adrien said, pointing between Chloe and Sabrina. _“We’re_ different kinds of people,” he continued, gesturing to himself and Chloe. “And we’re all friends, right?”

A puppy.

“Just drop it, Adrien, okay?”

He didn’t.

—

It continued like this: Adrien became close friends with Nino, a nice enough guy (although he was a little too casual for Chloe’s taste), and Nino was friends with Alya, who was of course friends with Marinette Dupain-Cheng. The four of them became really close, without Chloe’s consent of course, and Adrien always tried to get Chloe to join, and Chloe always refused.

“They look like they’re having fun,” Sabrina said wistfully, staring at the four as they talked and laughed a few picnic tables down where they were eating lunch.

Chloe looked over at them, and she remembered still the feeling of being an outcast sit heavy in the pit of her stomach. She remembered looking at them and seeing them as a unit, a whole. Complete.

She remembered noticing the way Nino and Alya’s feet nudged each other’s under the table. She remembered noticing the light in Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s warm eyes when she looked at Adrien. She remembered feeling sick.

“If you want to join them, by all means, go ahead,” Chloe said, tearing her eyes away from the unit and stabbing her fork into her salad.

“Adrien is waving us over,” Sabrina said, and Chloe looked up to see that he was - excitedly and adorably. Completely unaware of the gentle tilt of Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s lips as she looked at him, completely unaware of the quiet fall of her expression when she realized who he was waving to.

She felt sick.

“I’m not going,” she said, stabbing more salad onto her fork, more than she’d be able to put in her mouth.

“Oh.” Sabrina wilted.

“You can go if you want.” She said it like a challenge. She didn’t mean to, but she kind of did. She didn’t want to be alone.

“I’ll stay,” Sabrina said, settling back into her seat. Chloe dared to look up at her, and she softened.

“If you want to go, I won’t mind.”

“I’m not going.”

And maybe Chloe knew then that she was a selfish person - who was she to keep Sabrina all to herself, especially when she couldn’t give her the affection that she wanted? But she couldn’t help the quiet satisfaction that bloomed inside of her.

She was selfish, and she didn’t really care.

—

Adrien succeeded in getting Chloe to be in close proximity to Marinette Dupain-Cheng by not even being a part of the process, and Chloe found some irony in this fact, thinking back on it. 

For his birthday, Nino was the chief party planner. He invited all of Adrien’s close friends, which, by this point, included nearly half of the whole school, Marinette Dupain-Cheng, and of course, Chloe. It was a surprise party, so Adrien had no idea of it until he walked into the courtyard of the mansion he lived in after a long day of whatever stupid lessons and photoshoots his father had him take part in to find half of the school shouting ‘surprise!’ at him. He was a sensitive boy, and he nearly cried.

Nino was not Chloe’s favorite, but she did have to give him kudos for organizing such a nice thing for someone she cared about so much.

After he had recovered from his shock, Adrien made his rounds in greeting everybody and thanking them all for coming because of course he was a gentleman first and the object of celebration second. When he came to Chloe, he gripped her shoulders, and he smiled at her like he was proud of her.

“I’m so glad you came,” he said, so gentle and happy.

She rolled her eyes. “Why wouldn’t I come? You think I’d miss out on a chance to scare you and also potentially see you cry?”

He squeezed her shoulders, and he laughed. “I just feel as if we’re not as close as we used to be lately,” he said, because he was always so nice and open with his affection and he never minded Chloe’s cruel jokes. “I’m happy to see you around.”

What he was implying did not miss Chloe. He was happy to see her around Marinette Dupain-Cheng, existing in the same plane as her.

“Whatever,” she said, trying not to think too much. “You owe me your first dance.”

“Of course,” he said, and then he was off to be the perfect puppy elsewhere.

When the first slow dance came on, Chloe waded through the crowd to get Adrien to live up to his promise only to find that Marinette Dupain-Cheng was stuttering her way through a dance proposal - a proposal that Adrien seemed to be ready to accept with light-hearted friendliness shining in his eyes.

He was even opening his mouth to say yes - Chloe could tell. 

Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s freckled cheeks were red. She was fiddling with her bangs.

And Chloe was selfish, and she was cruel, and she didn’t care.

She swooped in, grabbing Adrien’s arm tightly in hers and cast a cold look at the pretty little baker’s daughter. “Sorry, Dupain-Cheng, but he promised his first dance to me.” Her voice was cold, and she watched Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s expression fall with a sick sort of satisfaction.

“Oh,” Adrien said, seeming to remember his promise. He smiled apologetically, unaware of the war he had stepped between. “Sorry, Marinette. Next time for sure.”

As they danced, Chloe glanced at Marinette Dupain-Cheng, and a little thrill went through her when she realized that her eyes were already on her. The warm blue eyes were stormy, upset, and although it was bad attention, Chloe relished in it regardless. She found herself smiling.

—

From there, tensions were higher between Marinette Dupain-Cheng and Chloe than they had been in years. And it was all because Chloe had made a startling realization since that day at Adrien’s party; it was fun to have Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s eyes on her, and it didn’t matter in what way those eyes got on her. As long as they were on her, Chloe was satisfied.

She’d known this before, of course, but she hadn’t really realized it. It was the reason she’d picked on Marinette Dupain-Cheng so consistently in her early years of school. And then it became the reason she decided to take up Adrien’s offers to hang out with his unit of friends.

“Do you want to go bowling this Saturday?” Adrien asked her, and Sabrina looked at her with eyes that were too conditioned in being let down.

Chloe picked at her nails. “Is Dupain-Cheng going to be there?”

“She is,” Adrien started hesitantly - he was starting to catch on to the strange war between them.

“I’ll go,” Chloe said before he could say anything else, and his eyes widened. Sabrina looked up in surprise.

Adrien was happy then, and he didn’t ask too many questions. But when he left, bouncing and grinning, Sabrina leaned in and lowered her voice.

“I thought you hated Marinette?” she asked, flicking her eyes over to the unit. Chloe looked their way, too, and she caught the exact moment in time that Adrien informed them that Chloe would be joining their little party. Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s lips tightened, but her eyes were warm on Adrien. She glanced over, her eyes snagging on Chloe’s, and Chloe held her in her sight as she watched a hesitant curiosity bloom in her gaze.

Prickles of uncomfortableness crept up Chloe’s spine, and she tore her eyes away, looking back at Sabrina. “It’ll be fun, don’t you think?”

At the bowling alley, Chloe remembered watching the way Marinette Dupain-Cheng giggled at Adrien’s bad puns, the way she tucked her hair behind her ear and blushed when he gave her a high-five for knocking down one pin. She remembered the way her mind went blank, the way she bumped into Marinette Dupain-Cheng as she was getting a refill of her drink, watched the way the drink fell and splattered on them both. 

“I can’t believe you ruined my shoes,” she remembered saying, her voice cruel and far away. She didn’t really care about her shoes; they were last season, and she was planning on donating them anyway.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng had grabbed some nearby napkins, apologizing profusely, but when she heard what Chloe had said, she stopped. She looked at her, and her eyebrows twisted together. “Excuse me?” she asked, and her eyes were on her, and Chloe was so selfish.

“If I was a little meaner, I’d make you pay for them.” There was nothing in her voice that sounded like a joke. She forgot how to do that.

“It was an accident.” Marinette Dupain-Cheng was standing up straight now, her chin held high in defiance, and her eyes were steady on Chloe. Steady and angry. Chloe felt a smile tugging at her lips.

“You’re so clumsy, it probably would’ve happened anyway.” This wasn’t a joke. Marinette Dupain-Cheng had a reputation for being clumsy, and she spilled things almost as much as she held things in her hands. Chloe was only telling the truth, but she knew it was a truth that would make Marinette Dupain-Cheng bristle and glare, and she was right.

She clenched the napkins tight in her hand, her glare firm on Chloe. “Why do you hate me so much, Chloe?” she asked, and Chloe found a laugh bursting out of her throat.

“Why do you hate me?” Chloe asked in return, and it was a practice in self-reflection. She wanted to hear Marinette Dupain-Cheng say all the awful things Chloe had done, and she wanted to be hated and glared at - just as long as she was thought of. It was self-reflection, and it was forced onto someone else, and it was selfish. She didn’t care.

But, as always, Marinette Dupain-Cheng was a surprise. Or maybe Chloe was always surprised by her because she expected everyone to be as mean and selfish as she was, and Marinette Dupain-Cheng was nothing like Chloe, nothing like her at all. Because when Chloe asked her that question, Marinette Dupain-Cheng did not explode, and she didn’t glare.

Her shoulders dropped, and her determined expression faltered. She furrowed her eyebrows, and she blinked, as if a thought was just occuring to her.

“I don’t,” Marinette Dupain-Cheng said, and she meant it. “I don’t hate you.”

Discomfort and something else, something heavier, punched through her, and then she remembered going over to where everyone else was waiting, where everyone else was staring. She remembered grabbing her purse off the sticky plastic benches, slinging the chain over her shoulder and already taking out her phone to call herself a ride home.

“I’m going home,” she remembered saying.

“I’m going, too,” Sabrina said, already standing, already miserable, but Chloe grabbed her shoulder and forced her to sit back down.

“No, you aren’t,” she said, and even though Sabrina looked miserable to leave, she looked even more miserable to stay. And Chloe should’ve felt bad, but she didn’t because Sabrina’s never-ending devotion was something she couldn’t deal with, not then, and then she was leaving.

Later that night, Adrien called her and asked her why she was so mean to Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

Chloe had been laying on her bed and trying not to think and failing to do even that , and she was too honest. “I don’t know how not to be,” she said, and she hung up. 

—

Change was a quick thing after that, and it hurt. Chloe was bad at thinking, and she was bad at feeling, and so she avoided both of those things like they were physical, like they were ready to punch and bite and wound. Unfortunately, being around Sabrina inspired too much thinking and too much feeling (but not in the way that Chloe knew Sabrina wanted), so she avoided Sabrina, too. And Adrien. And especially Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

But that’s not how things changed.

As Chloe remembered it, change looked a little something like this: it was lunch, and Chloe had been sitting alone. She’d realized midway through eating that the empty table she was sitting at was pretty close by to the full table Adrien, Sabrina, Nino, Alya, and Marinette Dupain-Cheng were sitting at. She kicked herself for being so stupid. 

But she wasn’t going to move because she was stubborn and selfish, and so she was determined to keep her eyes away from them, no matter how many concerned glances she felt go her way. But she also wasn’t the strongest person in the world, and her eyes inevitably went toward Sabrina.

She had been laughing at something Alya said. It was a quiet laugh, but she sparkled with happiness more than she ever had with Chloe.

And Chloe felt sick.

And Sabrina glanced her way, her smile fading, and Chloe felt sicker.

She got up from the empty table she was sitting at, and she went to the bathroom - praying to any and all gods that had never looked after her before that they do so now just so that she could be alone this once. Maybe for the rest of her life; that would certainly be easier.

Of course, the universe had never really looked out for Chloe aside from letting her be born rich, so when she burst into the empty bathroom and gripped the sides of a sink with white fingertips, it wasn’t long before the bathroom door swung open again.

She stared down at the contrast between her red nail polish and her pale skin, refusing to look up. Her yellow hair hung around her, and she took measured breaths in and out, waiting. Bracing herself.

“Hey,” Sabrina said softly, hesitantly.

Chloe remembered what it took for her to stand up straight, to tuck her hair neatly behind her ears, to look at Sabrina through the mirror and pretend as if she wasn’t seconds away from turning into something she hated. She remembered it a little too well.

“What do you want?” she asked, and she didn’t mean to snap, but she did. Her voice was something separate from herself, and it only knew how to be cold and grating. Her eyes matched it, and she was far away.

“To talk?” Sabrina said with a shrug, taking a single step forward.

Chloe’s hands went back to the sides of the sink, steadying. Grounding. “We don’t have anything to talk about.”

For a moment, it looked as though Sabrina might leave - she ducked her head, dug her toe into the tiled floor, fiddled with her fingertips. And then she took a deep breath, standing up straight and biting her lip. “Yes, we do, Chloe.”

She was different now, stronger, and it was all because Chloe wasn’t there.

“We don’t,” she said, tapping her nails against the sides of the porcelain sink. “Now if you could leave me alone and never talk to me again, that would be great.”

Sabrina’s eyebrows furrowed. “You don’t mean that.”

Chloe stuck her chin out. “I do.”

Silence stretched between them, and Sabrina’s lower lip started to tremble. A stab of pain went through Chloe’s chest, and she clenched her teeth.

“Maybe,” Sabrina started, a tear falling down her cheek, “maybe this is all my fault. It probably is. Ever since I-” She stopped, wiping her tears with the sleeves of her shirt. “Ever since then, it’s been different, and I ruined everything, I just know I did. I know you hate me for it, even though you said it was okay back then, but I know you were lying. And I know” - her voice broke, and Chloe still remembered that awful, choked off sound - “I know it might be too much, but if you could forgive me, even just a little bit, I still want to be your friend-”

 _“God, just shut up!”_ Chloe schouted, slamming her fists into the sides of the sink. It hurt, but it was a pain well-deserved, and she knew it. She whirled around to face Sabrina, keeping one hand behind her on the sink in a vain effort to keep herself steady. “This isn’t all about you, Sabrina, so stop using me as an excuse to hate yourself!”

Sabrina took a step back, all tears and hurt, and she blinked. “W-what?”

“You think I hate you for something that happened so long ago, something that you can’t control? News flash, Sabrina! I don’t hate that you kissed me - I fucking hate that you stick around hoping for me to love you back when we both know that I can’t do that.” She couldn’t control her words. Her hand left the sink. “God, your desperation is _suffocating,_ and I can’t do it anymore, not when I’m too busy handling my own stupid shit, so kindly fuck _off_ with your feelings. I don’t deserve them, anyway.”

She remembered the way Sabrina’s face twisted up. She remembered the sound of the choked off sob that left Sabrina’s throat, the way her footsteps echoed through the bathroom as she ran out, as she ran away.

When she looked in the mirror, her eyes were cold, and they were dry. 

That realization broke something in her, broke something deep down, and she gripped the sides of the sink, and she sobbed like she was dying. For all she knew at the time, she _was_ dying.

It was at this moment that the bathroom door opened again, and Chloe remembered shouting for whoever it was to kindly _fuck off,_ not caring who it was. She remembered thinking it might’ve been Sabrina.

She was wrong.

“Are you okay?” Marinette Dupain-Cheng asked, and Chloe’s head snapped up, and she saw her standing on unsteady feet by the door of the bathroom, hesitant and curious.

“Great fucking question, Dupain-Cheng,” Chloe snapped, ignoring the awful racing of her heart in favor of smoothing down her hair and dabbing at her eyes. “Is that the best you could think of?”

“Sorry,” she said, and she fiddled with her bangs, chewing on her lip. “You’re right; that was stupid.”

“Damn right, I’m right,” Chloe grumbled, sniffing and wiping her nose. “Now say what you actually want, then leave.”

“I don’t…” She stepped forward, fingers playing with the lapels of her blazer. “I didn’t come to say anything in particular. I was just. Well, I just came to check on Sabrina.”

Chloe raised her eyebrows. “Well, she’s not fucking here, so take you and your little goody-two shoes out of here.”

Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s warm blue eyes flicked down to the floor before looking back up at her. “Do you happen to know where she went?” she asked, and Chloe made an elaborate show of shrugging.

“Hell if I know. Now leave.”

“Right,” Marinette Dupain-Cheng said, nodding once before turning around. Chloe remembered watching her through the mirror, watching her place a hand on the door handle, watching her hand drop to her side. She remembered the sound of Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s steadying breath, the look of her squaring her shoulders before she turned back around. “Um. No,” she said, and Chloe’s eyebrows shot up further.

“No?” she asked, and Marinette Dupain-Cheng took in another steadying breath, tearing her fingers away from where they obviously wanted to fiddle with her blazer buttons. 

“Yeah, no,” she said with a decisive nod. “I mean, I’m not leaving.”

Chloe’s hands curled into fists. “Fine, then I’ll leave,” she said, but Marinette Dupain-Cheng stepped in her way, strangely intimidating even though she was so small.

“You’re not leaving either,” she said, and her warm blue eyes were firm and steady.

Chloe crossed her arms, digging her nails into the soft material of her sweater, and she raised her eyebrows. “Talk fast, Dupain-Cheng, before I do something that’s going to make you regret getting out of bed this morning.”

“I lied,” Marinette Dupain-Cheng said quickly, “about coming in to check on Sabrina. I saw her leave. I heard what happened.”

Something in Chloe hardened at the same time that it softened. She tried not to think about it. “So what do you want?” she asked, her voice cold and sharp. “Because I swear to God, if you spread this around and hurt Sabrina, I’ll make your life hell.”

“No, of course not,” Marinette Dupain-Cheng said, sounding as if the very idea of doing something like that repulsed her. “It’s just that Alya went to check on Sabrina, and I knew you were alone in here, and after hearing what you two said to each other, I thought-” She stopped, her hands going up to fiddle with her buttons. “I thought maybe you shouldn’t be alone right now.”

“So obviously the best choice for comforting me right now would be _you,”_ Chloe said sarcastically, a harsh laugh forcing its way out of her throat because really, no gods or god was looking out for her at all.

“Well, maybe not the _best_ choice,” Marinette Dupain-Cheng admitted, a hint of a smile lighting in her eyes. “But Adrien figured it would be _inappropriate_ to burst into the ladies room. He’s a real gentleman like that, you know.”

“Of course I know,” Chloe snapped. That fondness at home in Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s eyes for someone that was not Chloe hurt, and it was a selfish sort of hurt, but Chloe didn’t care. It hurt anyway.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng took a step towards her. “He’s…” She trailed off, hesitant, pained. “He’s really worried about you, you know. He cares a lot for you. Maybe even loves you.”

A real laugh fell out of Chloe before she realized that Marinette Dupain-Cheng was not joking. “Oh,” she said, and she laughed again, “oh, you think me hearing that will make me feel better. You think _I’m_ in love with him.” Of course Marinette Dupain-Cheng would think that.

“You’re not?” she asked, an innocent sort of hope and confusion hiding behind her eyes.

“Think whatever you want,” Chloe said, rolling her eyes. This situation was doomed anyway. “Just leave me alone.”

“I don’t think I want to,” Marinette Dupain-Cheng said, walking over and leaning against the sink beside Chloe’s. Chloe’s heart leapt. She tried to stop thinking. “Say, Chloe, do you want to try being friends?” she asked, and she held her hand out toward her.

She remembered CE1. She remembered her childish cruelty.

“No,” she said, and there was something sick inside of her that laughed at her for never changing.

But Marinette Dupain-Cheng had changed, and she simply smiled, sticking her hand out farther and tilting her head to the side. “Not even a little bit? You don’t want to at least try?”

It occured to Chloe then that Marinette Dupain-Cheng could just be offering because she had just heard that Chloe might not be in love with Adrien, and that thought stirred something ugly in her. 

“If you think you’re going to use me to get closer with Adrien, that’s not fucking happening,” Chloe said, ignoring Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s hand.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s face turned so violently red so quickly, Chloe was afraid she might’ve killed her. For the first time in her life, she felt like apologizing, but thankfully before she could even try, Marinette Dupain-Cheng was talking.

“That’s not- that’s not at _all_ what I meant,” she said, her words stumbling over her tongue, her fingers pulling at her buttons. “The timing was for sure - certainly - wrong, I will admit that, but the fact that you would think that I would be in lo- in l-like with Adrien is absurd and also that you think I would ask to be your friend for such selfish reasons- I really do just want to get to know you and to clear the air because I feel like we’ve always started roughly, and I do want to change that because if Adrien is friends with you, then surely I can be friends with you, too, right?” She tore her hands away from her blazer, and a button tore away from her blazer, too. She hardly seemed to notice. _“Not_ that I’m analyzing your worth on how close you are with Adrien, that would be _awful._ Because Sabrina is close with you, too, and that has to be for a reason, right?”

Despite the fact that everything inside Chloe was begging for her to give in, she pursed her lips and decided to decline Marinette Dupain-Cheng once and for all. Being her friend would just make things worse. “I’m not-”

“Just think about it!” Marinette Dupain-Cheng interrupted before Chloe could even try her hand at being mean enough to scare this new stubbornly friendly version of Marinette Dupain-Cheng away. “Okay? Just think about it.” She ran out of the bathroom, leaving Chloe alone.

“I’m not going to be her friend,” Chloe remembered saying quietly to herself, a weak and stupid promise to nothing at all. 

She bent down and picked up the little brown button that had accidentally been torn off Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s blazer. There were still some thin pink threads clinging to the holes of the button.

And because she was stupid and selfish, she slipped the button into her pocket.

—

“I think you should talk to Sabrina.”

“I think you should mind your own fucking business.”

When Chloe thought about how she ended up sitting across from Marinette Dupain-Cheng in a small cafe sipping on an iced coffee and pretending to hate every second of it, even she herself kicked herself for her weakness.

It had been a week after the incident in the bathroom. Sabrina hadn’t tried to talk to her once, and Chloe was thankful for it. However, Marinette Dupain-Cheng had been an unfortunate and unwelcome constant presence in Chloe’s miserable life - waving hi in the hallways, giving her cheery good morning’s, smiling at her with those warm blue eyes. Chloe felt like she was dying.

That weekend, Chloe had resolved on spending it completely and utterly alone, wallowing amongst her designer pillow set and using her father’s credit card to order a bunch of things she didn’t need online. But then she’d gotten a call from an unknown number.

She’d declined the call immediately, and when it called again, she did the same thing. And then the number texted her, saying it was Marinette Dupain-Cheng from school and to please pick up it was important. So she’d picked up the next time the number called with a very impolite “literally what in the goddamn hell do you want.”

“Hello to you, too,” Marinette Dupain-Cheng said, and she laughed like Chloe’s sharp tone and curse words were an inside joke. Chloe remembered vividly the way her heart fluttered, and she also remembered vividly the way she attempted to shove those feelings in a hidden part of herself.

“Talk fast or I’m hanging up.”

“Okay, so Alya is busy today, but I really wanted to go find Andre’s ice cream parlor - you know, the one that wanders around the city and is, like, magic? - but going alone would be super lame, especially considering Andre’s is famous for couple’s stuff, and pity ice cream is sad, even for me. But I really want ice cream, and I really want Andre’s ice cream, and I really want you to join me.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Why not?”

“You have other friends. Ask one of them.”

“That implies that you consider yourself one of my friends now.”

“I don’t.”

“Then, geez, Chloe, don’t say things that’ll give me hope like that.” She was smiling. Chloe could hear it in her voice. She remembered thinking how amazing that was - to smile so loudly that you could hear it. “But really, are you free?”

“I already told you no.”

“I’m only taking no for an answer if you have plans that you literally cannot avoid.”

“I have plans I literally cannot avoid.” But she was already standing up, and she was already going over to her closet.

“I have a feeling you’re lying to me.”

“Just a feeling?”

“Oh, I _know_ you’re lying to me.” She was still smiling. Chloe was smiling, too. “Come to my parents’ bakery in an hour.” She hung up.

Chloe desperately tried to convince herself that being invited to go find Andre - the man famous for match-making through fantastic couples’ themed ice cream cones - was not a date. She still ended up dressing too nice.

So that’s how she ended up with Marinette Dupain-Cheng in a small cafe, sipping on an iced coffee and pretending to hate every second of it. They’d paused their search in order to get refreshments, and now Marinette Dupain-Cheng was apparently revealing her true reasons for inviting Chloe out.

“That’s fair,” Marinette Dupain-Cheng ceded, twisting her straw around her bright pink drink, watching the ice cubes hit the sides of the plastic cup. “But also Sabrina is my friend, and so are you, so this is kind of a little bit my business.”

“No, it isn’t,” Chloe said, an awful uncomfortable feeling pooling in the pit of her stomach. Marinette Dupain-Cheng had heard everything that happened between Sabrina and Chloe, and therefore she knew that they kissed, and knowing that information was swirling around Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s pretty little head made Chloe feel sick. “And I’m not your friend.”

“Then what are you?” Marinette Dupain-Cheng asked, raising her perfectly shaped eyebrows. “My acquaintance? My rival? My enemy?”

“I’m nothing,” Chloe said. “Not to you.” And she remembered how those words caught in her throat in a way she hated. She remembered washing them and the selfish feelings that came with them down with a large gulp of cheap iced coffee.

When they found Andre’s ice cream shop, Marinette Dupain-Cheng received a cone described by Andre himself as “peach pink for his lips, mint green for his eyes, and a cherry on top for his sweetness.” Marinette Dupain-Cheng took the cone with a gentle blush and a confused smile, as if she didn’t know at all who Andre was referring to.

As Marinette Dupain-Cheng stepped to the side, content with her sweet flavors, Andre took one look at Chloe, and his merry eyes turned sad. “Oh,” he said, glancing over at the happy figure of Marinette Dupain-Cheng. He looked back at Chloe, giving her a pitiful look as he assembled her ice cream.

Chloe wanted to say something about how matchmaking through ice cream was stupid and pointless, but her mouth remained stuck shut as she watched her ice cream cone come to life.

Andre held out her ice cream as if giving her a death sentence. “Strawberry pink for their lips, blackberry black for their hair, and blueberry blue for their eyes,” he said, and Chloe’s stomach dropped.

“I don’t want it,” she said because she was stubborn and awful. 

“Maybe,” Andre said, still holding out the damning ice cream cone to her, “but it’s alright to want, too. Nobody would blame you.”

Chloe snatched the ice cream from Andre and stalked over to where Marinette Dupain-Cheng was waiting, looking as though she was enjoying her own ice cream thoroughly.

“What’d you get?” she asked, licking some melted peach ice cream off her fingers.

“Disgusting flavors that I hate,” Chloe snapped.

“Really?” Marinette Dupain-Cheng asked.

Chloe didn’t answer. The ice cream was delicious.

—

“You should sit with us at lunch,” Marinette Dupain-Cheng said, her arm casually linked through Alya’s. Alya, for her credit, didn’t look as if she hated the idea the most she possibly could, but she definitely didn’t look like she liked it. Chloe resisted the urge to let out a hard laugh.

“I literally don’t want to do anything less than I want to do that,” Chloe said instead, and she remembered seeing Alya pointedly nudge Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s side. She also remembered Marinette Dupain-Cheng smiling wider as if defiance.

“Well, we would love to have you,” she said, and Chloe saw her elbow dig into Alya’s side in return.

“Oh, yeah,” Alya said, only attempting to hide the sarcasm in her voice the minimal amount that was socially acceptable. “It would be a real pleasure.”

“Plus, you could talk with Sa-”

“Nope,” Chloe interrupted, shaking her head. “Not doing that. And I’m not sitting with you, either.”

“Adrien misses you,” Marinette Dupain-Cheng tried, but Chloe sat back in her seat, crossing her arms firmly over her chest. “Fine,” Marinette Dupain-Cheng finally relented when it was clear Chloe wasn’t moving, “but I’ll get you to sit with us one day.”

“I doubt it, Dupain-Cheng,” Chloe lied.

As they walked away, Chloe remembered hearing Alya’s voice, probably purposely not-so-quiet. “I just don’t know what you see in her, girl. She’s rotten to the core.”

“Probably not _to the core,”_ Chloe heard Marinette Dupain-Cheng reply. “You know how bananas sometimes have those mushy spots at the ends, but the middle is still nice and good?”

Chloe let out a sigh of frustration, leaning her chin in her hands. How can being compared to a _banana_ make her heart race?

—

“So what exactly is the emergency that you called me here for?” Chloe asked, her eyes catching on the apron tied around Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s small waist and the flour smeared on her freckled cheek. 

“Well, my parents went out for their anniversary,” Marinette Dupain-Cheng said, gesturing for Chloe to follow her further into the bakery and into the kitchen behind the counter. “And I thought having a fresh cake - or maybe cupcakes? - would be nice for them to come home to.”

Chloe looked around the little kitchen, homely and warm. “There are so many other people you could ask for help. You probably don’t even _need_ help.” She started to turn away, but Marinette Dupain-Cheng wrapped her dainty hand around her wrist.

“Wait,” she said, gently pulling Chloe back. “I don’t need help _baking,_ per se, but I.” She stopped letting go of Chloe’s wrist and fiddling with her bangs. “Well, you see, I may have spilled half a bag of flour before you got here. I only just finished cleaning it up.”

That would explain the smear of flour on her cheek. Chloe’s fingers itched to rub it off.

“What do I have to do with this?” she asked instead, crossing her arms and digging her traitorous fingers into her arms.

“I need someone to help me not spill everything I touch,” Marinette Dupain-Cheng said, smiling sheepishly.

“I’m not a fucking maid, and you are insane if you think I would willingly offer to get dirty,” Chloe said, gesturing down to her perfectly chosen outfit that was, once again, too nice for the occasion.

“Which is why I figured you’d be perfect for the job!” Marinette Dupain-Cheng exclaimed before Chloe could attempt to escape again. “You definitely wouldn’t allow any messes to happen.”

“I’m not-”

“And yes,” Marinette Dupain-Cheng interrupted, waving her hands flippantly, “it’s true I probably could’ve called someone else for help, but is it so bad that I wanted to hang out with _you?”_

“Yes,” Chloe’s mouth said before she could stop it, and then she rolled with it. “It _is_ bad. I’m rotten to the core.”

Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s warm blue eyes turned sad. “Alya didn’t mean that,” she said gently, taking a step toward Chloe, “not really. She’s just upset that you hurt Sabrina.”

“Just Sabrina?” Chloe asked with raised eyebrows, and Marinette Dupain-Cheng bit her lip.

“Well, maybe not just Sabrina,” she admitted softly - and that was it. That was the first time Marinette Dupain-Cheng ever admitted that Chloe had hurt her in a way that lasted, and she’d only done it indirectly. And then immediately after, Chloe remembered the way she drew her shoulders up, the way she pulled her smile up to light her eyes. “But I want you here, and I want to make cupcakes with you. And I’m not taking no for an answer.”

Chloe attempted to swallow her beating heart. “Not even if I have plans I literally cannot avoid?” she asked, and she couldn’t help the little upward twitch of the corners of her mouth when Marinette Dupain-Cheng laughed.

“No, not even for that.”

Of course, Chloe had been around Marinette Dupain-Cheng for a large portion of her life, and she’d been aware of all of the stories of her clumsiness - she’d even been a witness to it at some points - but apparently the legendary clumsiness was amplified tenfold in the kitchen. When Marinette Dupain-Cheng grabbed the package of brown sugar, the bottom of it somehow got stuck on a tip of a fork that was sticking up out of a mug of utensils, causing the bag to rip and spill brown sugar over the majority of the counter space as well as all over Marinette Dupain-Cheng. 

A clump of brown sugar fell off the counter and onto the ground, narrowly missing Chloe’s designer shoes.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng handed her an apron without a word.

“It won’t be enough,” Chloe said, and she didn’t say it to be mean for once. It was just a fact, and Marinette Dupain-Cheng seemed to realize that. She nodded once, going over to the pantry and plucking a giant t-shirt and a pair of house shoes off the racks, handing them both to Chloe.

“My parents prepare for me,” she said, sounding as though she was embarrassed.

Chloe couldn’t resist a snort at that, and she took the t-shirt, the apron, and the house shoes from Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s arms. When she slipped the t-shirt on, it smelled like warm bread and sugar. 

Afterwards, as they were cleaning the kitchen up while waiting for the cupcakes to bake, Marinette Dupain-Cheng turned on some music on her phone and tried to make Chloe dance as she wiped up the counters. Chloe resisted as much as she could, but Marinette Dupain-Cheng was a force to be reckoned with, especially when she had flour and sugar smeared across her cheeks and warmth lighting in her eyes, and Chloe was gone.

They made the icing, managing to come up with a system in which things were spilled the minimal amount. This included Chloe grabbing the ingredients and measuring them out while Marinette Dupain-Cheng mixed it all together and made the ultimate calls on the official icing consistency. They made the icing strawberry flavored with actual crushed up freeze-dried strawberries, and it made the icing a gentle, rosy pink.

And when the cupcakes were done and ready to be iced, Marinette Dupain-Cheng showed off her far superior icing skills while Chloe struggled desperately.

“You have to keep your hands steady,” Marinette Dupain-Cheng said, giggling as she watched Chloe’s hands shake. “And then you make a swirly-shape all around.” She demonstrated one with an ease and speed that made Chloe want to tear her hair out. Chloe finished her first cupcake while Marinette Dupain-Cheng was finishing her fourth, and she fumed when Marinette Dupain-Cheng glanced over and smiled, amusement gentle and warm in her eyes. “It looks great,” she said, and Chloe shoved the cupcake away.

“You’re a really bad liar,” she grumbled, and Marinette Dupain-Cheng scoffed.

“I’m not lying!” she said, squeezing out some icing on the tip of her finger. “I’m only twisting the truth a bit.” She smeared the icing onto Chloe’s cheek, the touch quick and heart-racing. She laughed at Chloe’s shell shocked face. 

When she recovered, she pretended to be angry. “I can’t believe you just called my perfect cupcake ugly,” she said, gesturing to the one cupcake she’d iced that had a wobbly and imperfect swirl pattern on it.

“I said no such thing,” Marinette Dupain-Cheng said, sticking her nose up and grinning.

“You so did. I’m calling the police. You should be arrested for crimes against good taste.”

They finished icing the cupcakes soon after, and Marinette Dupain-Cheng let Chloe choose what sprinkles to put on for each individual cupcake. And when every single one of them - even the wobbly ones that Chloe had iced - looked perfect, they sat down on the floor of the kitchen, their backs against the oven and their legs stretched out in front of them.

“You can take some home,” Marinette Dupain-Cheng said, undoing her haphazard bun and letting her hair fall down her shoulders. Chloe remembered watching the motion - so foreign and intimate. That was the first time she’d seen Marinette Dupain-Cheng with her hair down. “You can give them to whoever you want to,” she said, and her eyes on Chloe brought her back, made her think about exactly what she was implying.

“You want me to give one to Sabrina,” Chloe said, and Marinette Dupain-Cheng lifted her shoulders in a little shrug.

“Sweets are a great peace offering. Trust me, I would know.”

“You really won’t leave me alone about this, huh?” Chloe asked, closing her eyes and shaking her head.

“How can I?” Marinette Dupain-Cheng asked. “As Sabrina’s friend, and as your friend, how can I just leave you two alone when I know how badly you’re both hurting?”

Chloe opened her eyes, frowning. “You don’t know how badly I’m hurting,” she said, tone accusatory, and then she realized what she said, kicking herself. “I mean, if I’m hurting at all.”

“Right,” Marinette Dupain-Cheng said, nodding slowly. Her fingers played with the ends of her dark hair. “But will you tell me? How much you’re hurting, if at all?”

“Why should I?” Chloe asked, leaning her head against the oven door and staring up at the ceiling. She could hardly admit to herself how much losing Sabrina hurt, how could she suddenly tell Marinette Dupain-Cheng, of all people?

“I don’t know,” she replied with a shrug. “Maybe it’ll help you feel better.”

For a long moment, Chloe was silent. Her insides were at war with each other - one side fighting to run, to disappear, to isolate, and the other side desperate to tell everything, to tell how much everything sucked all around. 

“You don’t have to-”

“She was my first real friend,” Chloe blurted, staring up at the ceiling, and she felt Marinette Dupain-Cheng look at her in surprise.

“But what about Adrien?” she asked, and Chloe took in a breath, shaking and afraid.

“I’m friends with Adrien because we were forced to be friends,” Chloe said, picking at the sugar that had gotten stuck beneath her nails. “I love him and all, but we didn’t choose to be around each other for the majority of our childhood. It just happened, and we were okay with it. Sabrina was the first person that chose to be my friend.”

“Oh,” Marinette Dupain-Cheng said, and Chloe saw her fiddling with the ties of her apron. She could tell she was trying her best not to interrupt, like the air in the warm kitchen was something sacred. And maybe it was.

“I knew before, probably,” Chloe continued, fighting to keep her voice steady. “That she felt that way about me. But I chose not to think about it or acknowledge it. And then she kissed me.” She remembered being surprised by how even her words were coming out. “I didn’t… I didn’t hate it, but I knew I couldn’t like her like that.”

Marinette Dupain-Cheng furrowed her eyebrows. “So you’re…?” She trailed off, the rest of the question unsaid hanging between them.

“I like someone else,” Chloe said, and because she was selfish she couldn’t help but look at Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s face as she said it, trying to find anything in her expression that would either cultivate hope or destroy it. All she found was a gentle sort of sympathy. 

“You pushed her away because you thought you were hurting her,” Marinette Dupain-Cheng said, and Chloe couldn’t help but laugh.

“No, Dupain-Cheng,” she said, pinching her left thumbnail between her right pointer finger and thumb. “I’m selfish, and I’m cruel, and I hated that I had to see her miserable face all the time. I pushed her away because it hurt _me.”_

“I don’t think that’s very selfish.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not.” She paused, shifting so that she was facing Chloe fully. Chloe only turned her head, eyes falling over the flour and sugar on her cheeks, the deep color of her blue eyes, the gentle curve of her lips. “All feelings are a little selfish - that’s just how it is.”

“You probably don’t have a selfish bone in your body.”

Marinette Dupain-Cheng blinked in surprise, and then her lips twitched up into a smile. “Yeah, I do, and I’m okay with that.” She let out a little sigh, warm eyes searching Chloe. “Will you talk to her?”

Chloe stood up, untying her apron and dropping it on the counter. She took off the big t-shirt she’d slipped on over her clothes and watched as Marinette Dupain-Cheng looked up at her from the floor, curious and hesitant. “I should’ve figured you’d be a nagger,” she said, and she offered her hand to Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

And Marinette Dupain-Cheng took her hand, her smile so bright in her eyes Chloe nearly had to look away. “That’s what friends are for,” she said, and Chloe helped her stand up, her mind buzzing and her heart beating.

“Whatever,” she said, and she used the t-shirt to finally wipe off the flour and sugar from Marinette’s cheeks, fighting back a smile. “I’m taking a couple of the cupcakes.”

“Of course you are,” Marinette said, pulling out a small tupperware container from the pantry and placing a couple of the cupcakes Chloe had iced inside. She handed the tupperware container to Chloe, and she took it carefully, looking down at the wobbly icing swirls and glittering sprinkles.

“Thank you,” she said, looking back up at Marinette. “And goodnight, Marinette.”

“Oh,” Marinette said as Chloe began to walk out of the shop, sounding a little surprised. “Right, um, goodnight!” she called as the door shut behind her.

Chloe was halfway to Sabrina’s house before she realized that was the first time she’d called Marinette by only her first name. She remembered stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, hiding her red face behind her hands. She remembered looking at the cupcakes they’d made together, her insides fluttering.

“Friends,” she whispered to herself. She remembered thinking that she’d signed her own death wish.

—

Chloe stood at Sabrina’s front door holding Marinette’s tupperware with a few sad-looking cupcakes inside, shifting from foot to foot and staring at the doorbell with a hesitation that annoyed her. She remembered hating that she felt so nervous, hating that she was in a position where she’d have to apologize.

She hated apologizing. It was better when people apologized to _her,_ but if ever there was a time where she herself deserved to be kicked down a notch and be forced to apologize, it was here with Sabrina. Sabrina deserved that much at least.

Taking a deep breath, she jammed her pointer finger onto the doorbell, listening to the artificial tones ring out through the house inside. Just for good measure, she delivered a few sharp raps on the door with her knuckles. She waited. She contemplated running.

The door opened, revealing Sabrina dressed comfortably in her pajamas - the cute ones that Chloe had always liked with the little bee icons buzzing about on the soft fabric. For some reason, the sight of those pajamas is what made Chloe brave enough for her to lift her eyes and meet Sabrina’s confused expression head on.

“Hi,” she said, but she remembered not really being sure where to go from there.

“What are you doing here?” Sabrina asked, furrowing her eyebrows. Her eyes still held the hurt they did from that awful time in the school bathroom. “I thought you didn’t want to talk to me ever again.”

Chloe cleared her throat, thrusting out the tupperware container awkwardly. “I made these,” she said, and Sabrina’s hurt eyes flicked down to the tupperware holding the really ugly looking cupcakes. “Um. They’re still fresh.”

She couldn’t help but find some irony in the fact that her former enemy was the one who gave her the courage to attempt to make up with her first friend.

Sabrina didn’t say anything. Chloe swallowed.

“I promise they taste better than they look. I had help from a fr-” She stopped, for some reason embarrassed to admit that Marinette was her friend out loud. “I had help from Marinette.”

Sabrina’s eyebrows raised, but she stepped aside to let Chloe in, and that in itself was a victory.

They sat down on the couch, where it seems Sabrina had spent the majority of her evening. There were a variety of blankets thrown to the side from presumably when Sabrina had gotten up to answer the door, there was some cheesy rom-com paused on the TV, and there was a half empty bowl of what looked like popcorn and M&M’s sitting on the coffee table. Chloe placed the tupperware on the coffee table next to the bowl. She smoothed her dress down on her knees, her heart stuck in her throat.

“Marinette, huh,” Sabrina said, and Chloe nodded gravely.

“Yeah. She kind of won’t leave me alone.” It was the truth, but it was distant enough from the whole truth to be safe.

A heavy silence descended over them - not uncomfortable, per se. It was just that Chloe got the feeling that neither of them really knew where to go next, what to say after. It felt strange to slip back into normal routine like they always had after one of their (admittedly numerous) spats. An apology had to be said, and they both knew it.

“Chloe,” Sabrina started, eyes cast down as she pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs. She stared at her striped fuzzy socks, wiggling her toes. Chloe waited. “I’m… Well, I’m sorry for being desperate. I didn’t mean to be.”

Something inside Chloe’s chest snapped, and all the words that she’ hadn’t been able to find before found their way onto her tongue.

“That’s not-” She had to stop from the well of emotion that erupted inside her from escaping, blinking fast and clearing her throat. “I didn’t mean it when I said that, not really. I just got frustrated.”

Sabrina turned her face to her. “Really?” she asked furrowing her eyebrows. 

“Yeah,” Chloe said, swallowing hard. “And you weren’t- you weren’t _desperate._ And even if you were, it would’ve been my fault for not saying anything about this whole thing sooner. I mean, that still is my fault now.” She tore her eyes away from Sabrina, still trying to hold back all the flood inside her. “Really all of this is my fault.”

“Well,” Sabrina started, frowning, “I should’ve brought it up sooner, too. It’s my fault, too-”

“God, Bina,” Chloe interrupted, lifting her eyes up to the ceiling and letting out a dry laugh. “Could you not try to blame yourself for shit that isn’t your fault while I’m trying to get out a frankly _very_ heartfelt apology?”

Sabrina blinked. And then she let out a small little huff of half-laughter. Chloe felt something in her heart lighten.

“What I was _trying_ to say before you so rudely interrupted me,” Chloe said, shifting her body so that she was fully facing Sabrina, her leg folded up onto the soft cushions of the couch, “is that there were a lot of things I should’ve done differently. That day when you kissed me, I should’ve been more forward with my feelings. I don’t care that you kissed me or that you like kissing girls - that much is still true - but I should’ve said that even though I was okay with you kissing me that one time, it doesn’t mean…” She trailed off, gesturing vaguely.

“It doesn’t mean,” Sabrina prompted, waiting for her to finish her sentence even though she probably didn’t need to hear it. The sadness was there in her eyes. She had already known.

“You’re my best friend,” Chloe said helplessly. She dropped her hands in her lap, biting her lip as Sabrina looked down at her fuzzy sock-clad toes again.

“But nothing more,” she finished, and Chloe sighed.

“Right,” she said, and Sabrina closed her eyes. Chloe brushed her hair behind her ears, fiddling with the golden ends of it. “And I’m… I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner. I’m sorry I’ve been such a terrible friend.”

Sabrina took a deep breath, wiping her eyes with the heels of her hands and shaking her head. “You’re not a terrible friend,” she said, and Chloe let out a loud and ugly snort.

“You’re the only one that thinks so, Bina.”

Turning her glassy eyes to Chloe, Sabrina smiled. “Maybe. But I love you, Chloe. I’m really glad I’m your best friend. And I accept your apology.”

Chloe breathed out a sigh of relief. “I love you, too,” she said, and Sabrina uncurled herself and wrapped Chloe into a crushing hug. It was a shock at first - they’d never been the touchy-feely type - but it was warm and comforting, and so Chloe remembered that it only took a moment for her to return the hug, hopefully crushing Sabrina in return. 

After, they ate the cupcakes. Sabrina laughed when she saw them, and Chloe pretended to fume. But really she didn’t mind. She was just happy to see Sabrina laughing, unburdened. They fell asleep on the couch watching Sabrina’s favorite cheesy rom-coms, and Chloe felt the best she had in a while.

—

It was strange how peacefully Chloe remembered her life being after that. With everything resolved with Sabrina and her new budding friendship with Marinette, Chloe found herself being roped into eating and hanging out with their usual group of friends. Adrien was absolutely over the moon with this new development, Nino didn’t seem to care as long as Adrien was happy, and Alya didn’t seem too pleased, but with all her friends being okay with it, she had to just deal with it.

At first, things between Chloe and Alya were rocky - apparently during the time that Chloe and Sabrina weren’t talking, Alya had gotten pretty close with Sabrina. And after being close with two people who had been victims to Chloe’s bad decisions and selfish lifestyle, Alya wasn’t too keen to forgive and forget.

But eventually with enough prodding from both Sabrina and Marinette, Alya managed to at least be civil with Chloe. And Chloe was fine with that. In fact, she was sort of pleased that _someone_ still didn’t like her very much. It was comforting in a strange way. Looking back on it, it was probably because at the time Chloe still found the idea of being actually genuinely liked by more than one person too strange and foreign a concept to deal with that a healthy dose of natural dislike kept her humble. Not that she was ever truly humble, but that’s beside the point.

Things were great then. Easy. Until it wasn’t anymore.

It started getting complicated like this: when the six of them were out going to see a movie one weekend, Chloe started to get annoyed at Alya and Nino bickering over how to split the cost of their popcorn-plus-candy-plus-drinks order. The two were really close and often hung out just the two of them by themselves, and so Chloe had always just assumed they were dating.

So when the argument went on into utterly ridiculous territory as the rest of them waited in line behind them, Chloe made an offhand comment about them being too young of a couple to act like an old married couple. Alya laughed a little too hard. Nino’s eyes flicked to Adrien, who was too busy squinting at the candy case to notice. But Chloe noticed.

She learned then that Alya and Nino weren’t dating. The two of them were in fact extremely not straight. Just close friends.

At the flippant and rather proud way in which Alya announced her homosexuality, Chloe also took note of the way Sabrina’s eyes lit up.

It continued like this: on a trip to the zoo where Alya’s father worked, they were taking a break on one of the benches while Adrien and Nino went over to a rather overpriced ice cream stand to order all six of them their preferred ice creams. Sabrina and Alya were absorbed in some talk about some superhero comic the two of them had been reading recently, and Chloe was listening idly (and a little too fondly for her liking) while Marinette chattered about some animal-inspired design piece she was working on.

Adrien and Nino returned, passing out the ice creams, and they sat at the bench for a while longer as they finished their ice creams. Chloe glanced over to see Nino idly wipe off some ice cream from Adrien’s cheek with a napkin he’d grabbed from the stall. Seemingly unaware of the effect of that small action, Nino jumped into Sabrina and Alya’s conversation about the comic while Adrien stood, looking a little dumbstruck.

And then he smiled. A quiet, private smile that grew a little flusteredly on his reddening face.

Marinette was too wrapped up in theorizing her new designs that she didn’t notice. But Chloe did.

Chloe had never considered herself the observant type, and so she set out to confirm her suspicions with a few prodding questions aimed in the right direction. It didn’t take long for Sabrina to admit with red cheeks and smiling eyes that she _might_ be developing a crush on Alya. And that was good. Chloe was happy for her. 

With Adrien, she wasn’t sure what she wanted to hear. She knew that she still had stupid _feelings_ for Marinette that had only gotten worse the closer they’d gotten, but she had squashed them down enough to accept that they’d probably only be friends. She had long since forced herself to be content with that. And even though hearing Marinette gush about how kind and sweet and handsome Adrien was was as disgusting as it was painful, Chloe had found herself starting to be invested in the hypothetical relationship. If Chloe could lose Marinette to anyone, it only felt natural for it to be to the closest humankind could ever get to perfect - Adrien Agreste. 

So this suspicion was… She hadn’t known what to think of it.

It was on a late night phone call that Chloe finally got the courage to ask. Adrien had just finished talking about how he’d had a dream he’d had a talking cat that loved cheese, and Chloe figured that was as good a time as any to ask.

“Adrien, do you like boys?” she’d asked almost immediately after Adrien had finished talking. “More specifically, do you like Nino?”

There was a beat of silence. And then a choking sound, a few thumps, a few whisper-shouts of Adrien’s version of curse words (“oh fiddle-whacking _fricks”_ and “bugging hecker-snaps” and other things of that nature), and then more silence. A clearing of a throat.

“Um. Why. Why are you asking me that?” he asked, clearly flustered. “I mean, what makes you bring that up? Not that. Not that I’m, you know-”

“So you do like him,” Chloe said, something heavy forming in the pit of her stomach.

 _“Chloe,”_ Adrien hissed. “That’s not- that’s not at _all_ what I said.”

“But you do,” Chloe said, and Adrien let out a frustrated whine. “Oh, don’t give me that Adrikins. It’s not that hard to tell what with you giving him googly-eyes every time you look at him.” That was a kind of overstatement. It wasn’t always, but there were certainly times where Adrien just looked over at Nino with a certain _fondness,_ a certain warmth that Chloe recognized.

“Is it… Is it that obvious?” Adrien asked softly, sounding embarrassed.

“Maybe not to everyone else,” Chloe said, flopping back on her bed and trying at once to sort this information out and also to not think about it too much. “What about Marinette?”

Because surely, she thought, _surely_ he knew. Marinette was not the subtle type, and she was always stuttering and blushing and rambling around Adrien. It was endearing, and it was obvious.

“What about Marinette?” Adrien asked, innocent.

 _Ah,_ she realized, _of course he didn’t know._

“Never mind,” Chloe said, rolling over onto her side and squeezing her eyes shut. “Anyway, I’m pretty sure Nino likes you back. So good luck with that.”

_“Wha-”_

Chloe hung up. She flung her phone to the other side of her bed, and she let out a long sigh. She remembered thinking that this, whatever it was, sucked.

—

As it turns out, it didn’t take long for Sabrina and Alya to get together. Alya wasn’t one to dawdle once realizing her feelings, and Sabrina wasn’t really one to make things more complicated than they should be, so the two turned into a fairly nice couple fairly quickly. Chloe was happy for them.

Adrien and Nino were growing closer by the minute, but Chloe knew Marinette was too caught up in the friendly smiles Adrien would throw her way for her to notice the way Adrien and Nino sat closer together, the way their hands lingered nearer to each other. But of course Chloe noticed, and it was absolutely killing her.

Of course she was happy for Adrien for falling for someone as nice and trustworthy as Nino, but she was also unable to look past the fact that Adrien being happy with Nino meant heartbreak for Marinette. And Chloe never wanted to see Marinette hurt.

So things sucked.

But she kept her mouth shut because her opening her mouth never did anything good.

It happened one night where Chloe ended up staying late at Marinette’s house. The two of them were up in Marinette’s room, laying on her bed and trading their favorite songs, and Chloe was absolutely aching.

It was torture, to lay there beside Marinette. To feel her shoulder pressed up against hers, to feel the warmth radiating from her. To hear her sing along to her favorite songs, a little off-key and intentionally silly at points, but still so, so beautiful. And then she was turning her head to Chloe, warm eyes alight, and she was saying that she wanted to dance, and then she was pulling Chloe up off the bed and she was coaxing Chloe into dancing around the room.

Because dancing was Marinette’s thing, aside from baking and sewing. Dancing was so achingly _Marinette_ because Marinette made it hers - she twirled around and moved her hips and her arms in such a way that looked like she was letting herself go, like she was freeing herself. She undid her hair and let it swing and fly about her, and she was beautiful and she was singing and breathless and she was holding Chloe’s hands with hers and the stars felt so close and warm, and Chloe _wanted._

After the song ended, Marinette’s hands were still in hers, and Chloe still wanted. She wanted so badly, so selfishly, and she opened her mouth and blurted the aching words that she’d been trying so desperately to hold back.

“He doesn’t love you,” she said, and Marinette shook her head, confused.

“Who’s it by?” she asked, her cheeks flushed pink, her smile still warm on her lips. She thought Chloe was talking about a song.

And Chloe could’ve had a way out. But her mind had left her then, and she dug herself deeper. 

“Adrien,” she said, and Marinette’s smile started to fade. “He doesn’t love you. You love him, but he doesn’t love you back.”

Marinette let go of her hands, stepping back and dropping her arms to her sides. “Wh-what are you saying?” she asked.

“I’m saying,” Chloe said, and she remembered how blank her mind was, how her tongue was working on its own without the consent of her mind, “that you being in love with Adrien is pathetic with how obviously he doesn’t love you like that. I’m saying it’s hopeless.”

The stars were far away now, and they were cold.

“Why are you saying this?” Marinette asked, and she was wrapping her arms around herself. Her voice was hard, and there was an anger brewing in her warm eyes.

“It had to be said,” Chloe replied, but that wasn’t really true. She was just selfish, and she was frustrated.

“You’re being mean,” Marinette said, her lip beginning to tremble. “You’re just lying.”

“I’m not,” Chloe said, shaking her head. “He told me himself. He doesn’t love you, and you’re just too oblivious to think otherwise.” She couldn’t stop herself. It felt like she was moving a thousand paces away from Marinette, away from herself.

“I think,” Marinette started, her eyes glassy with tears as she drew her shoulders up. “I think you should leave.”

Chloe remembered feeling empty. She remembered grabbing her jacket from where she’d hung it on Marinette’s desk chair. “I think so, too,” she’d replied, and she left.

That Monday, she sat alone for the first time in months. Sabrina and Adrien gave her imploring looks, but she turned her face away the moment she realized Marinette wasn’t going to spare her a single glance.

It was easier that way anyway, she remembered thinking. At least in isolation, she wouldn’t have to worry about opening her stupid mouth and saying stupidly mean things.

—

It took less than two days for Sabrina to show up at her door with an expectant look on her face. Jean-Pièrre had let her in without asking for permission, which Chloe didn’t blame him too much for because he’s never been told otherwise, but it was annoying nonetheless. The excuse she’d been planning to give of being wrapped up in homework and too busy to receive absolutely any guests meant absolutely nothing when Sabrina was standing at her bedroom door, staring at Chloe as her hand froze in painting her fingernails a soft pink color. An unreasonably miserable voice crooned from her record player, and Chloe was very aware that Sabrina had caught her in the middle of moping and the both of them knew it.

Sabrina raised her eyebrows.

Chloe cleared her throat.

“I’m extremely busy right now,” Chloe said rather lamely. “Too busy to entertain any guests, I’m afraid.”

“Right,” Sabrina said, walking in anyway. She sat gingerly on the edge of her bed, careful not to disturb the open nail polish bottle on the comforter. “Well, I’m sure you’re not too busy to entertain your _best friend.”_

“You use that against me all the time,” Chloe said as Sabrina took the nail polish brush from her hand, scooted closer, and began painting Chloe’s nails for her. “I’m really very tired of it.”

“I’m your best friend, so you’re just going to have to deal with it.”

“See? There you go again.”

Sabrina rolled her eyes, and they lapsed into a comfortable silence. Although the miserable voice still crooned on the record player. Chloe itched to turn it off to preserve some ounce of dignity, but she remembered thinking that there would be no point. Sabrina had already caught her indulging in all of her guilty moping pleasures.

“So,” Sabrina said, leaning back to admire her handiwork before moving on to start a second coat, “are you going to tell me why you’re avoiding everyone?”

“I’m not avoiding everyone,” Chloe said because she really wasn’t. She was just avoiding Marinette.

Sabrina hummed. “Fine. Then why you’re moping.”

“I’m not moping,” she said, but it sounded like a lie to even her own ears.

“Something happened, Chlo,” Sabrina said, not looking up. “Nothing’s gonna get better if you don’t open up.”

“Since when have you been so smart?”

“I’ve always been smart. You just never listen.”

“Fair point.” She was silent. Sabrina looked up at her.

“So?” she asked, and Chloe let out a long sigh.

“Marinette and I might’ve… we might’ve gotten into a fight,” she finally said, and Sabrina hummed.

“About?”

“I _might’ve_ told her Adrien wasn’t in love with her.”

Sabrina stopped, looking up at her and giving her a baffled look. “Why on earth would you do that?” she asked, furrowing her eyebrows, and Chloe gave her a half-hearted shrug.

“Dunno. I wasn’t thinking.” Which was true.

“Chloe,” Sabrina said, gentle and imploring. She didn’t seem at all surprised at the information that Adrien wasn’t in love with Marinette or that this information might’ve upset Marinette - a testament to how obvious the two were in their respective feelings. “Why did you tell her that?”

“I…” She’d never told her. She’d never told _anybody._ About that first day in CE1, how from the very beginning she’d been a victim to those warm blue eyes and that kind smile, no matter how vehemently she’d tried to deny it. “I was frustrated.”

“Why?” She was looking back down at Chloe’s nails, carefully painting on that soft pink color that Chloe had picked because it had reminded her stupidly of Marinette.

It would be so scary, to admit it outloud. That somehow put a different meaning behind it all, made it more real. After all this time, Chloe wasn’t sure if she wanted it to be real.

“Because it’s so obvious. He loves Nino, and she refuses to see it. It’s so frustrating.”

“But why did you tell her?”

“She was going to get her heart broken.”

Her heart was pounding. Somehow, her body knew that she was about to admit something monumental. It was stupid. She knew it was, and she prayed Sabrina couldn’t feel how clammy her hands were getting.

“Why do you care if that happens?” Sabrina asked, and it was like she already knew.

But Chloe still had to say it outloud. They both knew it.

“Because I’m in love with her.” It was strange, how easily the words came out, how smooth and even. It wasn’t earth-shattering. Not really. But it kind of felt like it to Chloe. “Ever since forever ago. I’m in love with her.”

Sabrina nodded, looking up from Chloe’s finished manicure and putting the lid on the nail polish. “Then don’t you think you should’ve said that instead?”

_Yes._

“God, you get a girlfriend and all of the sudden you think you’re right all the time,” she said instead.

Sabrina laughed.

—

But still Marinette avoided Chloe, and Chloe hadn’t gotten any better at working herself up to giving apologies. The last time, Marinette had helped give her the courage, but that was of course not possible at that point in time. 

Sabrina had promised to talk to Alya, who would in turn talk to Marinette about maybe softening up to Chloe again, but Chloe didn’t have high hopes. She’d learned that Marinette could be quite stubborn when she wanted to be.

It wasn’t until Chloe got the news that Adrien and Nino were dating that things changed. Chloe was one of the first to hear about it - almost immediately after it happened, he called her to tell her. He told her all about how he’d snuck out of the house to go to Nino’s house, how they’d stayed up all night talking, how as morning dawned they ended up holding hands, how Nino had looked over to Adrien then, and how he smiled, and how they’d - Adrien stopped then, a flustered and happy mess, but Chloe got the point.

She promised Adrien that she was very happy for him and told him to get some sleep. She wondered how Marinette was feeling.

She found out later that day when Marinette showed up at her door. Once again Chloe was caught unawares because of the fact that Jean-Pièrre failed to give her notice, and so Marinette walked into her room to see Chloe was sprawled out on her bed, scrolling through several shopping sites to find a congratulations gift for Adrien as well as perhaps an apology gift for Marinette herself. There weren’t any miserable voices crooning from the record player - _thank God,_ that would’ve been embarrassing - but Chloe was dressed in a pair of booty shorts that had the Barbie logo on the ass and she was wearing a stupid souvenir t-shirt that Adrien had gotten her that one time he went to London. It said “my friend went to London and all he got me was this stupid t-shirt.” She really wished Jean-Pièrre had warned her.

For a moment, they stared awkwardly at each other, and then Marinette cleared her throat, shifting on the balls of her feet. “Um. Hi,” she said, and Chloe slowly closed her laptop, trying her very best not to act self-conscious of her less-than-superb outfit.

“Hi,” she said, and Marinette did another rocking motion on the balls of her feet.

“I like your shorts,” she said, gesturing to the Barbie booty shorts, and Chloe felt her cheeks go hot. 

“Is that what you came here to say?” she asked, her voice going cold and hard in her embarrassment.

“No,” Marinette quickly said, stepping forward into the room and then seeming to catch herself. She stepped back, folding her hands neatly in front of her. “I came because I wanted to, um. Well. I wanted to apologize.”

Chloe sat up, gesturing for Marinette to come sit on the bed beside her.

Marinette seemed to let out a breath of relief before going over to sit beside Chloe on the edge of the bed, swinging her legs back and forth anxiously. “I wanted to apologize for getting so angry with you back then. I knew… I knew on some level you were right. I just didn’t want to hear it, so I got angry with you.”

It was strange how soon she seemed to say everything she wanted to. She was nothing like Chloe - it seemed like it was no burden to have to apologize, like it was actually something that made her feel lighter, in a way.

“And I realize now that I’ve been acting silly,” Marinette continued, her fingers playing with the rips in her jeans as she continued to swing her legs back and forth. “I avoided you because I was too scared to face the truth, and I tried to blame it on you being mean, which you weren’t. Mean, I mean. You were just telling the truth. And I shouldn’t have blamed you for that, and I shouldn’t have avoided you for as long as I did. I’m really sorry, Chloe. I hope you’re not too upset with me.”

Chloe blinked. “You think you should be the one apologizing,” she said, and Marinette’s legs stilled in their incessant swinging

“I mean,” she said, giving Chloe a shrug. “Yeah?”

“No,” Chloe said, and Marinette frowned.

“No?”

“Yeah, no,” Chloe said, shaking her head. She tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear, shaking her head again. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Marinette. I really was mean. There was no reason for me to have said that.”

Marinette tilted her head at her. “But you were right.”

“That doesn’t give me the right to be a dick about it,” she said, and Marinette snorted. That was enough to make Chloe relax, but she still needed to get out what she needed to say. “But really, Marinette. I shouldn’t have been so callous, especially when I knew how you felt.”

“Okay,” Marinette said slowly, giving Chloe a strange look. She bit her lip, as if she was afraid to ask something, but Chloe raised her eyebrows, silently telling her it would be okay to speak up, and she sighed. “Can I ask- Well, I guess there might be no point in knowing, but why did you? I mean tell me. Why did you do that?”

A surge of emotion swelled in Chloe’s chest. She remembered forcing it down - then wasn’t the right time - and shaking her head. “It doesn’t matter now,” she said, flopping back onto the bed and folding her hands over her stomach. “I’m just glad you don’t hate me.”

Marinette flopped down next to her, mimicking her posture. “I don’t think I could ever hate you, not really,” Marinette said, and it sounded like the truth. Chloe’s stomach lurched. Marinette let out a long groan before Chloe could think too hard about it, and she turned her head toward Chloe. “But really,” she said, “I’m happy for them. They are really cute together.”

Chloe turned to look at her, her warm blue eyes catching her and ensnaring her, keeping her steady.

“But what am I supposed to do with all these feelings?” she asked, and there was so much weight in her gaze that Chloe had to turn her face away.

“How am I supposed to know?”

—

Because of how the way things turned out, hang-outs with all six of them turned into double dates plus Chloe and Marinette. Which was all fine and good except for the fact that it was absolute torture.

And when Adrien, Nino, Alya, and Sabrina were busy, it was always just Chloe and Marinette alone with each other. Which, again, was all fine and good except for the the fact that it was absolute torture.

Chloe and Marinette were friends, of course, and they’d grown so much closer since they first became friends, but that seemed to make all of this worse. Chloe felt like she was dying. She was so in love, and it was killing her. She remembered almost wishing she _wasn’t_ friends with Marinette, like back in the old days where she denied her feelings and spewed vitriol to anyone who got too close. Those were simpler times.

Sabrina kept on urging her to confess, which only made things feel too intense. Because with every one of Sabrina’s urgings, it made the next time Chloe was alone with Marinette that much worse because _what if that was the time? What if that was the time she said it?_

But it never was.

And it was even worse because Chloe hated to make assumptions, but she could feel it. She could feel the air changing between them, and she had no fucking clue what it meant. Marinette’s smiles were warmer, and her touches started to linger, and sometimes she would catch her staring during class or lunch or even when it was just them two, and it was like she wanted to say something, but she always just ended up smiling so warmly that Chloe felt like she was dying.

And, yeah, Chloe knew what she _wanted_ it all to mean, but she had no idea what it _really_ meant. Looking back on it now, she figured she should count herself as oblivious.

It happened yesterday.

The two of them had been hanging out on Marinette’s picturesque balcony.

They were talking, about school and their friends and nothing in particular, and it was such a warm day. The sun was so clean and pleasant, and the air smelled fresh and calm.

Chloe was braiding her hair. Marinette was working on her latest embroidery project. A handkerchief with a little bee on the corner.

The rain caught them by surprise. It was so strange - one second the sun was shining, warm and gentle, and then rain was pouring down on them, and they were running down into Marinette’s room, laughing and shaking rainwater off their clothes.

Marinette placed her unfinished handkerchief on her desk, thankfully not ruined at all by the sudden rain. Chloe tried to comb her unfinished braid out with her fingers, and then cursed as a variety of knots and tangles found their way into her hair.

She’d complained a lot about her thin hair and it’s tendency to tangle, and so Marinette was ready with a brush only a moment later. She held out her hand for the brush, but Marinette shook her head, gently turning Chloe around and beginning to brush out the snarls in her hair.

Chloe recognized it for what it was now - an excuse to touch her.

But yesterday, she’d just let it happen, heart racing, words caught in her throat.

When Marinette combed out the last knot, she silently began to weave her hair into a braid - a French fishtail. For some reason, that was Marinette’s favorite.

They didn’t speak. There was something in the air, in the gentle patter of the rain on her windows that prevented them from it.

It was only when Marinette had tied off the braid that she said it.

“Chloe, I’ve been meaning to say for a while now,” she started, and Chloe held her breath. She felt it. Marinette ran her dainty fingers down the braid she’d just completed. “I’m in love with you,” she said, and Chloe turned around, heart racing.

There was no lie in Marinette’s warm blue eyes, and Chloe felt everything all at once rush over her.

True to form, the thing that came out first was anger.

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng,” she said, absolutely fuming, “I cannot believe that you did not have the proper sense to wait for _me_ to say it first. I mean, I loved you first you know, and I’m utterly-”

“Can I kiss you?” she interrupted, a smile alight in her eyes, in her voice.

 _“God, yes,”_ Chloe breathed out, and they kissed.

And Chloe could feel that Marinette was trying so hard not to ruin her perfectly crafted braid, keeping her hands gently on Chloe’s face, dainty fingers tracing invisible lines on her cheeks and neck. But Chloe remembered that she didn’t give a single shit about keeping Marinette’s hair looking nice - she always liked it better a little messy anyway - and she tangled her fingers in the thick black locks, pulling Marinette as close to her as she possibly could because she couldn’t get enough of the feeling of her soft lips on hers.

They pulled away after a long while, breathless and blushing, and they smiled.

—

Chloe clutched the handkerchief Marinette had made for her in her hands, staring giddily up at the ceiling. She’d gone through the memory exercise like that because she hoped it would make it feel more real, but it didn’t, not really. She still felt like she was dreaming.

She rubbed the old button Marinette had sewn onto the handkerchief upon her request, the old brown button that she’d kept for her own selfish reasons that day in the bathroom. Marinette had laughed when she told her about it. 

She couldn’t wait to tell her everything else - all those selfish feelings she’d kept to herself. She had a feeling they’d make Marinette smile, and Chloe loved her girlfriend’s smile very much.

**Author's Note:**

> you know i looked up the name of chloe’s butler convinced that jean-pierre was one of the many names she’d called him in canon. it turns out i was wrong chloe has never once called that man jean-pierre. but i feel like his name should be jean-pierre so here we are
> 
> the idea for this fic came to me in an epiphany after i thought about that one tweet about that girl who got so flustered by a pretty girl in grade school that she gave the pretty girl a note that said "get out of my school" and i was like you know what??? chlonette. and i was right.
> 
> p.s. the title of this fic is from a song that i absolute adore called portland by armors. please listen to it i love it so much and i think it fits the mood of the fic or maybe that's just me saying that so you'll listen to the song. the only way to find out is to listen to the song
> 
> anyways gay rights goodnight everybody


End file.
